A Moment Too Late
by xmellyxox
Summary: Kevin/Rachel. An alternative event that happens, followed by the words "I have some very bad news" Series3,episode7. X
1. Chapter 1

Thought I'd celebrate the fact we have a week off, and that I have 10 exams left ;) best way to procrastinate to be honest! How good was episode 8?! I was on the edge of my seat! Feel free to tweet me melissa_paigex if you want to fangirl! Anyway, hope it's okay! Kevin/Rachel.

**Chapter 1:**

The room was silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Everyone's breathing had become shallow, not wanting to interrupt the Boss.

"I'm afraid I have some very bad news" Gill began: "In the early hours of this morning, I had a phone call" she continued. "I'm sorry to have to tell you, that Kevin was stabbed in his home, late last night. He died a few hours later in hospital"

Rachel closed her eyes, trying not to listen to what Gill was saying. _How could he be dead? Dead? No._

"It's came as a shock to us all, I understand that. The chief con has put us all on bereavement leave, and all other cases will be spread between other syndicates. At the moment there are no leads as to who had the motive to do such a terrible thing. Has anybody got any questions?" Gill asked, looking around the room.

Rachel could feel the tears running down her face as she blinked. Janet lightly sniffed and glanced towards her. Rob and Lee were staring at the table, trying to get their heads around it. Mitch was also trying not to cry…he had never been very good at hiding his emotions. Pete was in awe. He reached across for Rachel's hand and squeezed it tightly, offering support, but this only made Rachel worse. She hated crying in front of people, she was always so strong.

She got up and ran out, muttering that she needed the toilet. Gill stood up after her, following her out of the door. Rachel burst into the toilets and fell to the floor, clutching her knuckles as she sobbed. Her nose was running and she had drawn blood from her fingers. She curled up in a ball and tried to remember the last thing she had said to him.

She felt a pang of guilt.

_*flashback* _

"_Will you stop jumping out at me?!" Rachel shouted, pushing Kevin back._

"_Let's run!" Kevin said, ignoring her_

"_What?!" Rachel exclaimed_

"_Let's just go! Do a bunk!"_

"_Paha! Me and you?!" Rachel exclaimed. _

"_Why not?! You've left Sean!"_

"_Not to be with you!" _

*present day*

_Not to be with you._

_To be with you._

_Be with you._

Rachel found herself saying those words as she replayed the conversation. Of course she had wanted to be with him. She had wanted to be with him since she first walked through those doors. She had wanted him to hold her when she missed her sergeant's exam. She wanted him to be the one who she called on, when she got arrested for Nick Savage's murder. But no, as usual, she had screwed up.

Her final words to Kevin were harsh ones. No "I love you" or "you're funny", just harsh ones. He died thinking she didn't love him. He died thinking she had used him. He died.

Kevin's dead.

Rachel let out another sob, trying to stifle her cries as the toilet door opened partly. "Rachel?" Gill said, peering her head around the door. The DCI walked towards the younger woman and crouched down beside her. "We all miss him love" she said, pulling Rachel into a hug.

"I loved him Boss, I really did. I never got the chance to tell him but I did."

"Oh Rachel" Gill said, stroking Rachel's hair. Even Gill couldn't help herself. She let the tears run down her face, and didn't even try to keep the hard exterior up. She felt just as guilty as Rachel did. When was the last time she had properly spoken to Kevin? The last time she had praised him for good work? The last time she had actually taken an interest in his personal life? She was his DCI; she should have been there to protect him.

"Rachel, we need to go back upstairs. The rest of the team need us to be strong ok? We have to stay strong for Kevin. He wouldn't want us like this would he? I think he would want you to make up with Janet as well. We have to be strong and move forward…for Kevin's sake. I've phoned DSI Dodson. She offers her condolences, and she will drop by later…come on Rachel, we need to be strong"

Rachel stood up; taking her Boss's hand, but her legs weighed her down. She collapsed against the sink and began breathing heavily. "I can't do this Gill, I can't. I need to see him. Please! I need to say goodbye."

Gill nodded and lifted her up. "We will all go now. Before Scary Mary starts with her PM's, come on love"

XxxXxxX

The team arrived at the mortuary two hours later. Mary had left him where he was, once his mother had identified him, so MIT could say their last goodbyes. His face was pale and lifeless and there were big marks where the knife had been. He looked disfigured. Rachel missed him. Her heart ached, wishing he would wake up, and say it was all a big joke. She wanted to listen to his stupid, sexist jokes again, pretending not to be interested, when really, all she wanted was him. She would never be able to have him anymore. She leant over and hissed his forehead, praying he would respond. She took his hand and squeezed it, whispering "I love you" as she placed it back on his chest…


	2. Chapter 2

**This is quite a short chapter, and I think possibly the penultimate one! thank you for your reviews so far, means a lot! Please keep reviewing, it makes me happy! ;) X**

**Chapter 2:**

It was four weeks after Kevin's death. The killer had only just been found and charged. No one felt the pain more than Rachel. She had lost the one who had made her smile, she had lost the one who she had told she didn't love when she did; she had lost the one who made me feel special.

The hardest thing for Rachel, and the rest of the MIT team was the killer. The chief con was reluctant to tell them all at first, unsure how they would take it, but sooner or later it had to be done, so he sent DSI Dodson in.

She sat them around the briefing table, offering her deepest apologies. She knew how the team felt. Kevin may have been a knob, and she may not have liked him much, but when it's one of your own, it hits you hard. Rachel and Janet were sat opposite her, holding each other's hand. They called it truce, after Kevin's body had been found. Life's too short to argue.

Gill sat next to Julie, with Rob on the other side. She was trying her best to compose herself. Throughout all the years of being a police officer, she had never once cried on a case in public, and she wasn't about to start now, but sometimes, you can't hold it in.

"I'm sorry, I really am sorry to tell you…we have arrested and charged someone for the murder of DC Lumb…I'm afraid it's Sean…Sean McCartney" Julie said, fighting back her own tears.

Rachel burst out sobbing, through anger and pain. _HER OWN EX HUSBAND?! _

It made her feel physically sick.

This was all her fault.

If she hadn't have got drunk that night.

If she hadn't have dragged Kevin back to janets for sex.

If she hadn't married Sean when she knew it wasn't right.

If she had followed her heart instead of her head.

It was all her fault.

She ran out of the room and straight into the toilets where she gagged. She couldn't see her own hands through all the tears, and every time she looked up in that mirror, guilt set in. why was she such a fuck up? Her actions and messed up life had led to the one she cared about the most being killed.

"I'm so sorry" she sobbed, muttering to herself as she slid against the wall again. She cried and cried, bashing the side of the sink unit as she did, releasing all her anger and all her guilt. She didn't stop until she felt someone grab her shoulders and pull her away. She looked into the mirror and saw Kevin, holding her tight.

"_Don't cry baby, don't cry. It wasn't your fault. It's no one's fault. I'll always love you Bailey, you will always have a special place in my heart, but now I have to go. Don't be sad please, just think of all the fun moments we've had. Don't cry"_ Kevin said.

Rachel spun around, hoping to God he would be there in flesh and blood.

He wasn't.

The door opened slightly, and Janet, Gill and Julie walked in. They all had tear stained faces.

"He was here, Jan. he was here with me! He put his arms on my shoulders, and told me not to cry! He did Jan!" Rachel spluttered.

Janet pulled her into a hug, being joined by Julie and Gill. They held the group hug for a few seconds, before Gill broke free.

"Honestly, he would be laughing so hard by now. Look at us!" Gill said, trying to spark some humour.

"This is right down Kevin's street isn't it? The awesome foursome being so close to each other!" Julie joined in. she wiped her tears, unsure of why she was actually crying. She felt guilty too, she had never really done anything but bad mouth Kevin, when in reality, and he was a good detective. He had never even had the chance to prove himself.

"Awesome foursome? Really?" Janet asked

"I thought it suited…" Julie said, shrugging her shoulders.

"Come on you lot, let's go back upstairs and face the music. We need to sort out flowers and readings from us all. I suppose we had better do it sooner rather than later!"

Rachel nodded and sniffed, her nose was bright red, and her mascara had created two tram lines down the side of her face.

"What would Kevin say if he could see us right now? We look like something out of rocky horror!" Gill said, admiring her own patches of foundation on her cheeks.

They all left the toilets and walked into the corridor. They stood for a brief moment, looking past the doors that separated them from the main reception, and out onto the street. People had lay flowers outside the steps in memory. News travels fast around Manchester.

Rachel took a deep breath and headed back up the stairs. The next few weeks were going to be even harder, when she would finally have to say goodbye to the one and only….


End file.
